Kill the President

Part 3

"Just a tad redder" says First Lady Hedda
to her hairdressers Chanteuse and Kevin.
"Last week the Chief said 'Better dyed red than dead'
(or something he said). Oh, he wasn't in bed,
he musta waked up 'fore eleven.

"He's sure actin' funny, I declare – oh, say, honey
not so tight now! You'll make me go bald!
Do you think that I'm grayin'? You know, he's been sayin' –– "
"Scuse – 'scuse me, may'am," says SS John Graham,
"May'am, 'scuse me, the President called.

"He asked could you come to the Lunch Hall at one."
Here Hedda Lumwedder seems pleased.
"Thank you ... thanks, Johnny. Oh dear, lookit honey.
Say, don't it look funny, this color's all runny –
do you think that this curl should be teased?"

To be continued

Kill the President

Part 2

The pink glow of dawn lights the Rose Garden lawn
and streams through the Rumpus Room curtain.
The President seems to be lost in a dream
and his reveries seem in his Time magazine ...
though with Irving it's hard to be certain.

It's really unnerving how President Irving
Lumwedder, for what seems like ages,
the mighty Commander-in-Chief of the land,
with Time on his hands and countenance bland
is staring at one of the pages.

It isn't the "Re-views", the US or World News
that captures the Head of the Nation;
not the Op-Ed, nor Features, nor beautiful creatures
on advertisement beaches, nor one of his speeches
that holds him in rapt fascination.

"Well, dang me!" he mutters, his spirit now flutters
as he stares in a manner approving.
(Let the critics repent of their hearts made of flint,
for his eyes fairly squint at a page of hard print –
not cartoons.) "Dang! These guys are moving"

For the first time, Lumwedder has noticed the letters
and numbers alive on the page.
A K kicks a goal over H, and the hole
of an O is a bowl of Froot Loops, or bread roll,
or a ring – and thus he's engaged

for five or ten minutes – he's quite lost within it,
abandoned to truths newly seen.
"A fairground of letters!" laughs Irving Lumwedder,
"Why, hell, this is better than TV – much better!
And it's all in this Time magazine."

The Prez asks himself "Does it work somewhere else?
Or only in Time magazine?
Let's see? What's this book? Hmmm ... 'I'm Not a Crook'.
OK, let's take a look, it might work in this b –– "
"Meester President, do you want me to clean?"

"Oh shit! I mean ... sure. Didn't hear the door!"
"Ees OK sir, I do it manana."
"No, come in, Maria. Now listen, see here,
do you see this, Maria? Do the letters seem queer?"
"No sir. Aiiyy! You sit in banana?!"

"Goddang it, I'm sorry." "Ees OK, no worry.
And the Froot Loops, you finished them, si?"
"Yes, thank you my dear. But listen, Maria,
just look over here. Do you see something queer?"
"In the White House I never queer see."

Says the President "I see" and Maria says "Si,
I see." "You do see?" "See ... sometheeng in it?"
"Si, Maria, see?" "No sir, I no see."
"Maria, I say 'see', not say 'si'" "Si, sir, si ... I no see."
... And so on for several minutes.

Kill the President

Rant-in-progress

Part 1

The First Lady sleeps, President Lumwedder creeps
to the fridge for a snack at midnight.
Froot Loops in a bowl, a banana, bread roll,
so ... down the mouth hole with little control,
and everything’s feelin' … alright!

That amiable grin, that milk on his chin,
his customary ease with bananas,
the President's proud, "I ain't one of the crowd" –
he says it aloud – "I ain't one of the crowd,
and no one can fill these pajamas.

"I'm Irving Lumwedder, ain't nobody better.
Man, I'm smokin'!! That's nuthin! I'm bitchin!
I'm loaded with sass, I'm the toppest of brass!
I'm the greatest, I'm gas, I'm jumpin' Jack Flash,
I'm the Chief of the damn Oval Kitchen!

"The hell did I say? It's the U.S.of A!
I'm boss of the whole goddamn nation!
I'm King of the Heap! I ain't even asleep!"
Then, not even a peep, on tip-toes he creeps
to the Oval Room of Relaxation.

He pulls up a seat and he puts up his feet
on the Presidential voting machine.
Then with a "Oops!!" he wipes up some Loops
and then "Double oops! Watch out for the snoops!"
And he picks up a Time magazine.

The snoops make him nervous, the damn Secret Service,
and one's stuck his head in the door:
"Everything OK, Mr President?" "Fuckin' 'A',
bet your life, AOK! Never better! OK!
Go do what you was doin' before."

"Ten-four, Mr Prez", the SS guy says,
"So … goodnight sir … but just one last thought –– "
"Uh huh?" says Lumwedder. "Sir, hadn't I better
maybe get you a sweater?" Says Lumwedder "No sweater,
but you could help me … I think my foot's caught."