Kill the President

Rant-in-progress

Part 1

The First Lady sleeps, President Lumwedder creeps
to the fridge for a snack at midnight.
Froot Loops in a bowl, a banana, bread roll,
so ... down the mouth hole with little control,
and everything’s feelin' … alright!

That amiable grin, that milk on his chin,
his customary ease with bananas,
the President's proud, "I ain't one of the crowd" –
he says it aloud – "I ain't one of the crowd,
and no one can fill these pajamas.

"I'm Irving Lumwedder, ain't nobody better.
Man, I'm smokin'!! That's nuthin! I'm bitchin!
I'm loaded with sass, I'm the toppest of brass!
I'm the greatest, I'm gas, I'm jumpin' Jack Flash,
I'm the Chief of the damn Oval Kitchen!

"The hell did I say? It's the U.S.of A!
I'm boss of the whole goddamn nation!
I'm King of the Heap! I ain't even asleep!"
Then, not even a peep, on tip-toes he creeps
to the Oval Room of Relaxation.

He pulls up a seat and he puts up his feet
on the Presidential voting machine.
Then with a "Oops!!" he wipes up some Loops
and then "Double oops! Watch out for the snoops!"
And he picks up a Time magazine.

The snoops make him nervous, the damn Secret Service,
and one's stuck his head in the door:
"Everything OK, Mr President?" "Fuckin' 'A',
bet your life, AOK! Never better! OK!
Go do what you was doin' before."

"Ten-four, Mr Prez", the SS guy says,
"So … goodnight sir … but just one last thought –– "
"Uh huh?" says Lumwedder. "Sir, hadn't I better
maybe get you a sweater?" Says Lumwedder "No sweater,
but you could help me … I think my foot's caught."