Kill the President

Part 4

Come one, and come all, to the great Dining Hall,
First Lady, two maids and a few
PR's of the day, an Appointments PA,
an Ointments PA and three RQTJ's
(and nobody knows what they do).

Whatever their job is, they brighten the lobbies
and halls of the house of the Presidents
(this Castle of Common, this Home of the True Man,
the True Man and Woman, of the Rights of the Human).
Your typical American residence.

"President Lumwedder – where is he?" asks Hedda
Lumwedder, to Graham and Purvis.
"In the Oval Bathroom," says Purvis, "... I assume.
Every day around noon he hides in that room –– "
"And may'am," interrupts Graham, "we're nervous

'cause Purvis and me, we go get him, you see,
at one on the dot – it's an order.
But the last month or so, he's been ... well ... you know ...
kinda ... reluctant ... to go, in the middle of his ... show –– "
"His show?" "Yes may'am. His camcorder."

"What the hell are you sayin'?! Purvis, tell me what Graham –
what the Sam Hill he's sayin'! Is he queer?
A camcorder? Like ... pictures? Oh Lordy, that's rich!
You damn sons o' bitches! You say he takes pictures?
Of what?!" "... Of hisself. In the mirror."

"What – nekkid?" "No, may'am," says Agent John Graham.
"Not nekkid? Well thank Jeeeezuz!" laughs Hedda.
"Indian suit," mumbles Graham. "Say what?!" "Indian, may'am.
He's taken to playin' like a Injun, and prayin' –
he's been prayin' a lot, in them feathers."

Now, this First Lady never was one who would ever
make a fuss like an Eleanor or Hillary,
or even like Nancy, be seen to get antsy.
She's nothing too fancy, a bit of a pansy –
but when she explodes ... field artillery!

"Camcorder, you say. And a show. Every day.
Well I'll give him a show, and that's that!
Stand aside, let me through, I know what to do –– "
"And what will you do?" whispered Irving "To who?"
John salutes. "Mr President! (Sir ... your Geronimo hat.)"

"I'm partial to these feathers," smiles Irving Lumwedder
with the air of a saint. "Yup, they're stayin'."
Says Hedda, "Lumwedder, you can't wear them feathers!
Your head's sick. Well I never!" "Hedda, I never felt better.
Come into the john, I'll explain."

To be continued