Kill the President

Part 5

"Irving," says Hedda in the john to Lumwedder,
'I'm worried, you're actin' so strange.
Oh, it's not just the hat, or what you did to the cat
of that nice diplomat. We got over that ––"
"Darlin' I ain't gone deranged ... I've just changed."

"Just changed? Oh, no, honey, you been actin' real funny.
Even Maria, she said you've gone weird.
She says you just stare. If you're having an affair! ––"
"No Hedda! I swear! I just ... stare in the air ...
or at ... writin'." "(Lord, it's worse than I feared.)

"You been tootin' again? You messin' with cocaine?
I'm tellin' you plain, you no-brainer ––"
"Honey, let me explain. There ain't no cocaine
and no maryjane. And my brain ain't insane.
If you ask me, I've never been saner.

"Look, darlin', look here. No, in the mirror, see here.
Do you see it? In the mirror? Ain't it queer?"
"Irving, what you sayin'? You sayin' your grayin'?"
"Well, sorta. Decayin'. Yeah, that's it, decayin'.
Hey! Purvis and Graham, come in here!

"Good. Purvis and Graham, come in, we ain't prayin'.
That's it, good, now don't be afraidy.
Now, what did you say? Graham, just the other day.
Purvis, you saw the decay. I just want you to say
what you said then ... please tell the First Lady."

Nothing in the Service trained Cleatus Merle Purvis
for whatever the President was playing.
"Well, sir ... decayin' ..." Then butts in John Graham,
"I remember him saying 'Mr President, decayin'
is natural, like a good chicken layin'.'"

The President quickens: "That's it!! Cleatus's chickens!
Exactly! The chickens! Precisely!!
I've been tryin' so hard and my security guard ...
my praetorian guard with his fine chicken yard,
what I stumble to say, he says nicely!

"Hedda, do you see? It's plain as can be!
It's sure clear to Johnny and Cleatus.
With something like that – here John, take my hat –
Hedda, something like that is where it's all at.
If we got it, no enemy can beat us!!

"Good! We're all one. Now, I gotta run.
I got a media conference at three."
And with that, and "What fun!" he turns and he runs
out the door, then he comes quickly back in "Say, hun,
where's that hat? Thanks! Gotta look good for TV!!"

To be continued