The Legend of le Tuff: (9) Man of Constant Travels

Baz le Tuff, always full of surprises!

I hadn't seen the chap for some time, when this note came from him yesterday, scribbled in a girlish but commanding hand on the reverse side of an artful photograph:

"Wilson,

I trust you haven't forgotten your friend, mentor and heliotrope.

"I have been travelling the world for the first time in months, and forgot to inform you of my passage. I do beg your forgiveness.

"Sardinia was marvellous, and my fishing for catamite very sucessful. Greece -- plenty of Greek. Wish you could have come.

"Toronto -- lives up to its name! Now I can see why they called it that.

"Been snapping a few. Here's one of the CNN Tower.

"More when I get a chance.

"Cheers, old man.

"le Tuff"

Oh, le Tuff! What a character! What a pity he won't join flickr ... just because they leave the 'e' out. Oh well, who can argue with genius?

To Mr C Green, me mate who's a bit crook

It's not easy bean a human bean, for life can be a bitch
As I often find when bludgers knock me just for bein' rich.
It's not easy when a camel kicks you in the bloody spleen –
And I'm bloody sick and tired of it!
And it's not easy bein' green.

It ain't no fun to be an Eskimo when they spell it with a 'q'.
It's a bugger being a Paddo ponce when the alimony's due.
It's not easy being a lentil tossed into a soup tureen.
It's hard to be a bonza bloke!
And it's not easy bein' green.

I tell you it's hard to be a gentleman when the world is bloody mean.
Any king would feel that keenly, more especially his queen.
Being debonair is hard to do when it's a deviation from the mean.
It's even hard to wash your underpants!
And it's not easy bein' green.

I mean it's hard to wash your underpants in the kitchen bloody sink.
That's what I meant. Because it makes your sheila cranky and the crockerary stink.
That's why I recommend some kind of washing thingo type of machine.
Ah, it's a burden being brilliant!
And can be a bummer bein' green.

You know it's hard to be about 60 and it's hard to be 16.
Yeahhh, and it's hard to be a sheila like that one I nearly rooted once, Charlene.
Cause in about another 30 years or so her back'll hurt like mine, know what I mean?
It's hard to have enormous jugs.
And it was never easy bein' green.

Far and few, far and few, are the lands where the jumblies live.
So they tell me. It's a bleedin nuisance, I wanted them to give
A hand while I try to tork into this fancy recordin' machine.
It isn't easy being half mad,
And it's not easy bein' this particular shade of pink.

I know a bloke in Sydney-town, up there on Bungan Head.
He lords it over all the world with the rantin's in his 'ead.
He's got a bonza missus, she's so patient and serene.
He's plugged into every-bloody-thing except a dialysis machine.
He's a funny cove, does a good cabaret comedy routine,
Sort of a cross between Humphrey Bogart and Humphrey McQueen.
So he's not very funny … but then neither are the Mujahideen
But that didn’t stop them getting Oscars on the silver screen …

He hasn't got a cracker and he hasn't got a bean.
Another shitty day in paradise …
Nuh! -- it ain’t easy bein' green.

Fingers crossed for Feedblitz

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Update: I'm a dirty rat. I've said harsh things in the past about Bloglet, but this post at Feedblitz explains a lot of stuff I didn't know, so this is my public apology to Monsur who pioneered blog-to-email subs and did it altruistically, not as a money-making scheme. He has actually allowed Feedblitz to import all his free 'customers' (read his new post). Good luck to Monsur in all ways, and thanks. And anyone else who appreciates what he did can email him at bloglet at gmail dot com.

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After five years of daily Almanac posting, I'm taking a few weeks to put my energy into a few things that need doing, including my nearly finished novel. I might pop in from time to time, but for about a month I hope you'll excuse me from regular posting. In the meantime, you might like to use the menu bar at the top of this page for plenty more at the Almanac. Thanks, dear reader.