To Mr C Green, me mate who's a bit crook

It's not easy bean a human bean, for life can be a bitch
As I often find when bludgers knock me just for bein' rich.
It's not easy when a camel kicks you in the bloody spleen –
And I'm bloody sick and tired of it!
And it's not easy bein' green.

It ain't no fun to be an Eskimo when they spell it with a 'q'.
It's a bugger being a Paddo ponce when the alimony's due.
It's not easy being a lentil tossed into a soup tureen.
It's hard to be a bonza bloke!
And it's not easy bein' green.

I tell you it's hard to be a gentleman when the world is bloody mean.
Any king would feel that keenly, more especially his queen.
Being debonair is hard to do when it's a deviation from the mean.
It's even hard to wash your underpants!
And it's not easy bein' green.

I mean it's hard to wash your underpants in the kitchen bloody sink.
That's what I meant. Because it makes your sheila cranky and the crockerary stink.
That's why I recommend some kind of washing thingo type of machine.
Ah, it's a burden being brilliant!
And can be a bummer bein' green.

You know it's hard to be about 60 and it's hard to be 16.
Yeahhh, and it's hard to be a sheila like that one I nearly rooted once, Charlene.
Cause in about another 30 years or so her back'll hurt like mine, know what I mean?
It's hard to have enormous jugs.
And it was never easy bein' green.

Far and few, far and few, are the lands where the jumblies live.
So they tell me. It's a bleedin nuisance, I wanted them to give
A hand while I try to tork into this fancy recordin' machine.
It isn't easy being half mad,
And it's not easy bein' this particular shade of pink.

I know a bloke in Sydney-town, up there on Bungan Head.
He lords it over all the world with the rantin's in his 'ead.
He's got a bonza missus, she's so patient and serene.
He's plugged into every-bloody-thing except a dialysis machine.
He's a funny cove, does a good cabaret comedy routine,
Sort of a cross between Humphrey Bogart and Humphrey McQueen.
So he's not very funny … but then neither are the Mujahideen
But that didn’t stop them getting Oscars on the silver screen …

He hasn't got a cracker and he hasn't got a bean.
Another shitty day in paradise …
Nuh! -- it ain’t easy bein' green.